...half truths...whole lies...

well,i just got back from my off. it was nice because i got to watch a movie with a friend and a cousin last tuesday night in G4. we saw mi:3, it was good. then i spent the rest of the rest day taking care of my beloved niece.

all went well until i got to the office, logged-in and trouble shooted with a customer having e-mail issues. i tried to ask him to send an e-mail to my personal account and what do you know? "you" have an e-mail for me. i read through it, and i could not contain the tears afterwards. it was very hard to trouble shoot while trying my very best to sound ok to the customer.

i don't know why you felt you had to send me any message.i know you wanted to clear things and all, but can't you see? by doing that, you've yet again destroyed the only concept of clarity and peace i was getting used to the past few weeks.

i did'nt need to hear about it.

i did'nt need to hear the underlying note of apology.

i did'nt need to hear you justify why you had to stick with her, or the lack of choice you had in the situation.

i'm trying to get over the fact that you deserted me for the nth time.i want to deal with this without the anger or hatred. i want to be a more mature person when it comes to post raletionship drama. i'm trying to deal with every fucking day the fact that you never really loved me. i'm trying and it's not easy, but i get by.

i always wondered if i would be happy or sad if you finally let me go. i kept on asking myself would i really be glad that you found it in my heart to let me go and stop hurting me? or would i be sad because you let me go without giving it a fight?...just like you always do...and i never quite understand why i never learn.

so, maybe you were covering your ass. maybe this is your way of dealing with the guilt. maybe you wanted me to understand.

but i don't. i don't understand at all.

you chose her. you break my heart.

you tell people that you can't leave her because you think you are finally learning to love her. you tell me now,that given the chance, you'd still wanna be with me.

you said that you don't wanna mess up my life anymore but you e-mailed me.

now, tell me, where the hell is the truth in your words?

i don't need your half truths and whole lies. if you don't have the guts to tell me things straight to my face, them you don't deserve to be heard.