..fly...

saw you again...
i should congratulate myself for a job well done...i handled the situation better than i have expected to...
however, let me tell you, it was difficult...maybe it will always be...
it was hard not to feel anything at the sound of your voice.
i could'nt help but feel the electricity pass between us when our bodies brushed one another.
it was hard not to feel goosebumps whenever i feel your eyes on my back.
you make me shiver...you make me feel cold even if somebody else's arms are around me.

have you ever had the feeling when all around you people are screaming, singing, and having fun...and yet you feel silence?
have you ever realized how hard it is to see the person you have planned the rest of your life with is not the person holding your hand or kissing you good night?
have you ever felt a stabbing sensation everytime you see "him" with jealousy masked with indefference in his eyes, because you know he is regretting that very moment seeing you with another man... that you know, deep inside, he would gladly give up everything to be the man right next to you...if only he still has a chance...
do you know how it feels when every part of your existence is aching for him, yet you try not to want him without succeeding.

you know it's not fair.
you know the person holding your hand now does not deserve it, but you can't help it.
all you can do is suppress it as long as you can...
hoping one day it would disappear and never return...

you asked me to have a drink with you...
God knows how much i wanted to....
but i needed to be fair...and i'm not rubbing it in your face...
he's here now and i think he means to stay...
i'm sorry but we both know you had your chance...
how i wish things were different for both you and i...
there are a million what-if's and could-have-beens in our lifetime...and i believe nothing is relevent 'till you leap and close eyes hoping you'd fall...you did'nt...i was waiting to catch you though...
"no one waits forever...."