...separate lives...

you said that you're happy for me and you wish that the person i found would love and take care of me more than you ever did. you thanked me for everything so many times that i lost count.

i did not have credits to tell you that i'm not in a relationship...yeah, i have been spending some time with somebody...somebody special. however, that does not mean that i needed to say goodbye to you...or so i thought.

i don't know if i'll be hurt by the fact that you assumed being with another person would automatically make me happy. though this guy make me smile and frown all at the same time does'nt mean i've found love. i found a friend, let's just say we took one step forward crossing the line of friendship, but that does not make us a couple...he's a companion, and we are on an unstable ground. we both know that we are not ready to commit, which i think is wise because that eliminates the possibility of hurting each other in the future. he's in my life as much as you are in it, but you're two different persons, both from a different time.

i'm not telling you this to stop you from saying goodbye, nor am i explaining things to you because i am defensive. i'm thinking out loud here, i'm saying these things for whatever it may be worth...to you. i'm not going to wave my hand while you walk away and wipe my tears afterwards, i've wiped those tears a long time ago because you already bid me goodbye long before you said it. the moment that you loved another woman, and stayed with her even if you kept on telling me you love me is like a neon sign flashing in front of my face that i ignored for the longest time. just like what i've said, i'm not moving on and i'm not letting go...i'm just living my life, with or without you.

i'm not asking for you to fight for me, not because you can't but i know you just won't. i'm not expecting you to stick around, the way i did, because you're not me. i'm not expecting you to be what i was when i was waiting for you to come around, to choose. if you wanna go, i'm not gonna stand in your way...but i'll never lock my doors. you can come anytime and you don't even need to knock...just come in as if you never left...

you said that from now on, we'll live separate lives. we're going to trail on different roads, that may or may not cross again...if that's what you think this is all about, then so be it...