equally the same

i never knew that realizing you're almost completely out of love is as hard as having you're heart broken.

it's just as hard to come to terms with the fact that the person who used to mean the world to you is sized down to somebody less than a stranger. you don't see him behind rose-tinted glasses anymore. you see him like it's the truth shouting out loud to you, that he's not the same person...or rather you're now a different person.

life stopped revolving around him and everything that he do. what used to be everything to you in his terms stopped. you now know what the importance of compromise is. you know know that sometimes it's not bad to prioritize your needs first. to be able to free yourself from other people's expectations...or hold, on you. to be able to decide based on your terms or understanding of things.

it's hard because you get used to the routine. you get used to the fact that whatever happens there would be somebody somewhere out there who is thinking of you...or dreaming of you at night.

you are hurting just the same because you know that day after day you'll start to forget. his smile and the sound of his voice. day after day your memories will start to blur. his face and the curves that used to be so familiar to you. day after day there would be something specific you'll start to miss. his touch and the warmth of his nearness. it is not just a demise of you heart and mind...but your senses as well.

you now know that when you leave, you don't necessarily have to say goodbye. you leave one day at a time. you don't brand it as moving on or letting go...you just want to live your life...with or without him...