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it's my dad's birthday yesterday. happy birthday papa!

i'm tired and groggy...and i'm at work. all because of playing poker all afternoon compromising quality sleep. what good did it do me? well, for one, i am now 65.00 pesos richer. second, i am now so tired and so trying hard to concentrate on staying awake that i can't think about "you" a LOT.(yeah right!)

i'm reading a new book. something by anna quindlen. it's nice. however, some of the lines keep tugging straight to the heart...my heart. it's something about being trapped for the longest time with a relationship that abuses you. even if in the story is with regard to physical abuse and what it does to one's life, i can totally realte to it. like for this specific line which said:

"maybe he was testing me, to see how much i could take. maybe he did that everytime, until one day he decided that i would take anything. anything at all."

maybe you did. maybe you woke up one day and decided my fate just like that, and there after you never stopped hurting me...even if you claimed to love me more than anything else,still, it hurts. and you got irritated when i once told you "...i love you so much, it hurts..."

maybe you don't understand...you never did...and you never will...